I was married for 19 years, divorced for 4 years. We had 4boys together, 2 with special needs. I dealt with stress by just not being home. She worked out of home and was raising all of the kids herself because I wasnt there.
I did nothing to help her. Id leave at 7:00 in the morning to go to work and Id come home at 9:00 at night. She always had dinner in the microwave waiting for me. She washed my work clothes and had them ready every morning.
The kids didnt really see me because theyd be in bed before I got home. On the weekends, Id either work or go to my friends house and hang out. I wanted to be anywhere but where she was.
We were always arguing. She was frustrated because she never got a break from the kids. She wouldnt have sex with me because she said she no longer felt close to me. I didnt feel close to her because she was always in a bad mood. So we just became these really bad roommates who ignored each other. We slept in the same bed, but faced opposite directions. We didnt like the people we had become.
We couldnt afford to divorce, but she finally said she had enough. She said if I didnt want to be part of the family anymore, I should leave. She said shes rather be alone then be alone in a marriage. I didnt see what I was doing to her then. She was a lot stronger in the marriage than I was. I dealt with stuff by leaving. She dealt with stuff by staying. She was the one there with the boys, not me.
The kids still live with her even though theyre young adults now. She is not dating or because shes waiting till the kids have moved out. I moved in with someone a year after the separation. My girlfriend is still married. We fight a lot and I realize now how bad I treated my wife. She was a good woman and a good mother to the kids. I never told her she was a good mother. I still to this day wont tell her Im sorry for the way I treated her.
My ex-wife is nice to me now. We actually talk to each other, which we didnt do before. Its hard to believe that we spent 19 years together. Im glad we are friends, and we appreciate the good parts of each other now. Because after youre divorced, the bad doesnt matter anymore. You dont have to live with each other, and thats a choice.
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